All I have in my heart is Love. It hurts me to even think negative thoughts about others. When I think about how I contribute to the world, I imagine how I can bring more Joy and Peace.
But, Mexico City, you do not see that. You do not see a sophisticated, cultured, young person who studies the art of self mastery, who meditates and does Tai Chi. You do not see a person who focuses on managing their own energy for the good of the world. You do not see a talented, trained actor. You don’t see the Love in my heart.
What you see is my brown skin and everywhere I go, I see you looking over your shoulder, guarding your purses, not making space for me on the sidewalk, hosts of restaurants not making eye contact with me, cashiers being rude to me.
I walk around with a smile on face, doing what I can to not take it personally. But, it isn’t just one instance, it is almost everywhere I turn. Everyone is suspicious of me. As if you have anything I desire. Your fear of me only shows me how much you care about material things. I was born in Germany and grew up in The US. Surely, I did not fly to your country to take your pesos.
But, you cannot imagine that, because of the color of my skin. Perhaps too, because I look younger than I am. You can only see me as an impoverished person here to take from you. You rob me of smiles, of warm hellos. It is as though you want me to suffer. You desire to send negativity my way. That is your wish.
You don’t know that I come here to spread Love and Abundance, to buy things I don’t need just to support street vendors. You don’t know how much energy I put into improving my Spanish, so I can respectfully communicate with you. You just see me as a brown person that you believe is lower than you. You don’t know the rooms I have been in. The things I am capable of.
You break my heart. Into a thousand pieces. You make me wonder, “what is the point of living?” It’s one thing to experience this sort of judgement in The US. Here, it seems… beyond insane. Why do you wish to hurt me so?
You are creating a world of suffering. Punishing someone who wishes nothing but the best for you. You will never understand the pain you have brought into my Life.
When you see me in the street, there is no need to worry that I will take something from you, because the only thing I am interested in is Love and it is clear that you do not have any in your heart for me. You want me to die, you want me to suffer. But, I will not.