Curtain Call

Hello Everyone.

I am at a crossroads. I know that all things are possible, that I can do, be, and have anything that I desire. I understand that the way things look are not always indicative of how they will turn out. And yet, in this moment, I am feeling…. lost.

Money is almost gone and still no source of income, no home of my own, and no family. What will become of me?

I’ve climbed up, fallen back down, gotten back up again. And here I am again. How will I ever find stability? How will this situation transform into one of Love and abundance?

I sat up this morning thinking of ways to end my life. Because I felt like I just can’t do it anymore. I feel so alone. I have to leave my place on Sunday and I have nowhere to go. I felt so pitiful thinking these thoughts, so ungrateful. How dare I think these things when there are people who have fought for their lives.

Tomorrow is my 34th birthday. And I wonder if I will live to see it. I wonder if anyone cares. I tried talking to a friend, but it was like they just didn’t hear me, almost as though, they went deaf when I spoke of what was happening and then they just never addressed it. I wonder if I deserve this.

I pray, I meditate. I call out for help. It’s true, I have improved so much over they years; my beliefs, my thinking, my habits. I am a completely different person from ten years ago. My talents, my dedication. And as I grew, so did the way I saw the people in my Life. And slowly, I found myself all alone. For Peace. And I was doing fine. I even helped so many people. Like the child I sponsor in South America. What will become of him? I was helping to give him clean water and pay for his schooling. Now, I am not sure if I will be able to eat tomorrow.

To all of you, I say thank you for reading my blog and listening to my music. I pray that your life is filled with Love and Abundance. Do better than I did. Please.

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