Zipolite, Volume II: Puedes…

When I first arrived to Zipolite, I spoke to The Universe directly; “When I leave this place, I will be a completely different person. I am ready to learn what I need to learn to move closer to my highest self. I am ready. Challenge me.” It is worth noting that Zipolite, at times, feels like a vortex, one of those places on the planet with an open window to another dimension… or something like that. And it wasn’t long before my expansion would begin.

Nicolas is like no one I have ever met. I firs made his acquaintance, a 30 something from Chile, living in Zipolite. Physically, he resembles a gymnast who models on the side. Energetically, he is a son of God… The Universe… All That Is… WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO CALL IT. His energy is strong, his spiritual evolution is evident, and his desire to play is inspiring.

One day Nicolas said to me, “I will help you with your back.” I had surgery for scoliosis, 19 years ago and while I am in impeccable physical condition, overall, there has been room for improvement in the area of flexibility, in my back. He first invited me to run with him from Zipolite to Mazunte; about a 5 mile run, with both inclines and heat combining to make a rather average distance, into a CHALLENGE. When we arrived in Mazunte, we headed straight for Punta Cometa, running off the road and through the trees, at full speed. Running down the cliff, jumping from rock to rock, until we got to the beach. Washed our bodies off, briefly, in the water, which is curiously silent until the moment the water comes in and what was previously a serene scene transforms for just a few seconds into something potentially violent.

We immediately jumped into a yoga session, which he led and afterwards, he headed in the water for a swim. Before Zipolite, I had not spent a great deal of time at the beach. And swimming was not on the top of my list of “Things to Do.” An experience, being knocked over by a wave at the age of 4, dampened my interest in the water, severely. So, I just watched Nicolas, as he so elegantly floated with the soft waves and violent crashes. Coming out of the water, he asked if I would like to join him. “Oh, I can’t really swim.” I replied. To which, he simply responded, “Puedes.”

Anytime I attempted to explain why I could not do something, Nicolas would respond with, “Puedes” and nothing more. And each time, I learned that I indeed, could. Our regular yoga sessions were right before sunset in Zipolite and I would participate, completely nude. Being naked while taking on challenges of will and dispelling fears can feel like a vulnerable experience, and that’s why I did it and I didn’t care who sat and watched as I stretched myself in ways that scared me. ME. And Nicolas would guide me, breathing through, and stretching further than I ever thought possible.

And something remarkable about my experiences with Nicolas, is that he was just a peer. Another guy, same age, similar interests, who said, “I am your friend, I am going to help you.” He didn’t judge me in moments of vulnerability, he was actual rather indifferent. It was as though, he knew what I had forgotten and would patiently wait for me to remember, “Puedes.”

This was also the most fraternal experience I had had since college. Somehow, it had been years since I had been around another guy who was confident, nurturing, into physical closeness, and not consumed with sex. I felt I could exhale around him and not worry that he was after something else. I remember standing in front of a mirror at his house and he was explaining an area of my body he thought was really developed, and because my Spanish is not 100% and he does not speak English at all, he came over, stood behind me (looking in the mirror) and pulled down my pants to point it out to me. And I melted. Just at finally having a friendship with this level of closeness, trust, and growing with another guy.

When we first met, I told Nicolas, “You have something that I would like to see in myself and I would like to be around you, so I can learn how.” And so I did. And to this day, whenever I have a doubt in my mind about my ability to do something, I hear his voice in my head, saying, “Puedes.”

listen to my new ep, “Veritas,” on spotify

Zipolite Volume I: Rituals

I lived in Zipolite, a rural nude beach in Oaxaca, Mexico for about 7 months. It was not my first time at a nude beach, but it is the longest I have stayed at one. I’ve been told there are at least three versions of each of us; the one we show the general public, the one we show loved ones, and the one we keep to ourselves. When I think of the truest version of me, that being is, in no way, afraid of nudity. In fact, this version of me embraces nudity, especially with peers. Nudity shared with peers feels like a rain of acceptance washing over you, sprinkled with curiosity, and limitless moments of beauty and expression. It’s exciting, beautiful, and “nothing going on here,” all at the same time.

It was clear to me that each day at the beach would help me expand, to fill the shoes, I am meant to wear in this world. So, like many, I rose with the sun each morning, around 6am. I would walk through the rural beach town, from my place to the beach, in nothing but bikini briefs, no shoes. This daily ritual alone summoned a feeling of being part of nature; your feet constantly touching the earth, the majority of your body fully exposed on the street (nudity is only permitted on the actual beach), and often times, seemingly very modest locals, showering you with glances. You feel the rawness of what you are doing, you feel that the confidence you develop from this isn’t always common. You begin to realize yourself.

Meditation (Zipolite, Oaxaca, Mexico) Photo: ELIE VILLETTE

Once I arrived at the beach each morning, I would run in my bikini briefs, up and down the beach… over and over, for at least an hour. So, as everyone in the town would rise and make their way to the beach, at some point, I ‘d say about 50-60% of the town would cross my path, coming out to watch the sunrise, doing yoga, going for their morning stroll, laughing with friends. And this community of early risers, served as my witnesses, it is as though, they all silently agreed to help me in this expansion, simply by being observers.

After I finished running, I would go to Playa del Amor, which is a more secluded part of the beach, known for being the place where the gays hang out the most during the day, and not all coincidentally, the place where public sex happens nearly each night, like a ritual. In the mornings, however, there were far fewer people and typically, the vibe was very chill. So, I would go there, and completely disrobe. There would be 3-4 men there, at that time of morning, sitting by the rocks that form a cul de sac, whose mouth is where the sea meets the land. Everything beyond the rocks, where (typically, but not exclusively) men sat, was a stage. You were being observed by all, in all your glory. I would like to note that the vibe of this beach was also very chill and accepting, but of course their was an underlying arousal of excitement at so many beautiful, naked bodies running around together.

When I disrobed, I would first walk out to the water to wash the sweat and sand off, from my run. And there is something to be said about being in what can feel like a vulnerable state; you’ve just run for an hour, you are out of breath, at this point, you are the only one who isn’t just sitting and everybody is watching you. I chose to embrace it. It felt powerful. What did I care? What did they care? I knew I loved seeing people being their beautiful, natural selves and I imagined that others did the same. Then, I would find a nice place in the sand and begin my 20 minute stretch routine, completely naked. Guys would, of course, watch and at other moments, they would completely forget about me and it is the combination of those two things, that felt so beautiful. Of course, you want to see. I want to see. But, also, it’s whatever. It’s not a big deal. I loved that. Many times guys would begin their own, naked morning routine alongside me, which provided a silent feeling of belonging and comradery.

I saw men catch erections at the beach while running, sleeping, and just getting excited from talking to someone. And it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Casual public erections that were treated like the temporary, natural body functions they are. It was as though, I began to see life, beyond society. Life, out in the world. In Nature. Everyone was kind, accepting and curious. This daily ritual served as the foundation for my self acceptance and my choice to bask in the awe of nature. And to allow myself to be seen. Not hiding behind identities and brands and zip codes and degrees, but rather showing up as a being on this planet, just as confused, excited, curious, and aroused as everyone else on the planet. I started getting closer and closer to merging the version of myself I show the public, with the version of myself I had previously, never shown anyone.

This morning routine is just the tip of the iceberg. As you can imagine, living at a nude beach in Mexico that is specifically known for being a haven to those who don’t deny their homo-erotic desires, meeting people from all over the world, beautiful men and their bodies, their personalities, their ways of expressing themselves….. anyway, I will share more about all of that, in this series.

Until next time…

h.o.e.

Listen to my new EP, “Veritas,” streaming now on SPotify

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Use Your Head

I recently made a video for the song, “Use Your Head”. I thought about how most music videos are wide screen and yet most people’s phone’s are in portrait…. so…. I made the video in Portrait, just for fun. When i recorded the song, this is pretty much how I imagined the song in my mind. I am also interested in varying degrees of nudity in videos, because most videos are commercial and so follow those rules. However, I am independent, so…..

One must be 18 to watch the video. I made that decision. Watch the video and comment with your thoughts.

Listen to my music on Spotify

The Question

Photo by Ashutosh Jaiswal from Pexels

The way we enter this world can influence the direction of our growth; be it that we arrive in a nest filled with Love and Wisdom or that we find ourselves in what appears to be the deepest, darkest, depths of sorrow. Nonetheless, it is we who give meaning to these moments, because the Truth is, no matter how you enter this world and no matter how you define the place you are in right now, EVERYTHING is available to you. It may not always be obvious to you, but you are always influencing the direction of change in your life. Because the “deepest, darkest, depths of sorrow” are actually Love and Wisdom in disguise.

Dreams

There are a plethora of dreams available for you to buy, here in our version of reality.

The American Dream

The Struggle Dream

The Picket Fence Dream

There are an endless number of dreams available for you to buy and they are being sold left and right. If you are in modern society, you can’t turn your head without a salesperson, trying to sell you one of these dreams. It is helpful to know, that you must first buy them, for them to apply to your life. What dream have you purchased?

The more focused and centered I become, the more I see each moment as a salesperson.

The person yelling racial slurs is merely a salesperson, asking you to buy their dream. You don’t have to, but you can.

The person you are dating, who is telling you, “you are not enough,” is a salesperson, asking you to buy their dream. You don’t have to, but you can.

The person telling you, you are capable of achieving everything you imagine in this world. That person is a salesperson, asking you to buy their dream. You don’t have to, but you can.

These moments are not things that are “happening to us”, they are offers to buy. From there, we choose.

Someone once told me, “the only difference between you and the people you admire, is that they handle the same situations you encounter, in a different way.”

This society provides so many examples of people making purchases that do not align with what they truly desire for themselves, because they believe they have to. There is no need to feel ashamed, when you learn that you are responsible for having bought the dream you are in. Television shows are called programs because they program you. And you have seen, since birth, so many instances of people buying dreams they don’t want and it can influence you to do the same.

“He cheated on me, it’s because there’s something wrong with me.”

“You lied and so I am angry.”

“No one listens to me because, I don’t matter.”

Perhaps your parents, your friends have all bought dreams they don’t truly want, but that doesn’t mean you have to and it doesn’t mean they can’t make better purchases in the future. These ways of being are choices. You can respond differently to life. You can already see how you respond differently to things than you once did.

As a child when Mom told you “no” maybe you cried. Then, you got older and when she said “no” you asked Dad. Then, you got even older and when she said “no” you negotiated with her. This alone is evidence that what is happening does not define how your life will be, it merely asks, how you will respond. And the dream you bought, dictates your response.

My friend, you are Hamlet. And when you step out into the world and encounter these salespeople, selling dreams on every corner, you just ask yourself, “To be or not to be?”

The man who was too afraid to follow his dreams and sits in the same bar every night, repeating his limiting beliefs over and over again. To be or not to be.

The woman who stays focused, keeps to herself, and silently makes moves to benefit her. To be or not be.

The person surrounded by friends who love and cherish them. To be or not to be.

The couple in an unhappy marriage. To be or not to be.

Our human bodies have a special mirroring tool. It is easily seen when someone is very happy and excited and so we become very happy and excited. Or when someone starts yelling, so we start yelling. We have the ability to turn this mirroring tool off and put ourselves in a place that says, this person’s behavior is not about me, it is just asking me, “to be or not be.” And when we can manage not to get dramatic in the midst of drama, it becomes easier and easier to see everyone as a salesperson asking us to buy stock in their dream.

When you pick up a pen, how do you do it? When you are driving a car, how do you do it? Do you actually know how the brain sends the impulse to the hand to pick up the pen? Do you fully comprehend how your fingers adjust the grip on the steering wheel? No, you just make a decision and nature does the rest.

You don’t need to know how it will come to pass, you only decide; to be or not to be. That is the question.

I Stan: Nicki & Vivvy

The time has arrived for me to express my gratitude for two individuals who make my relationship with San Francisco sweeter, day by day:

Nicki Jizz

and

Vivvyanne ForeverMore

Not one individual has showered me with more love, booked me for more gigs, and publicly expressed their admiration for my work, than these two lovely ladies. And it is no doubt, because they love and respect themselves, they are able to do the same for others. Neither gains anything from showing me so much love, and yet my life is enhanced each moment I am near them, and for this, I am forever grateful.

I have only ever dedicated videos to these lovely ladies and I would like to take a moment to expound on the choices I so specifically made to honor them.

Vivvyanne forevermore

@vivvyanne_forevermore

There is no soul in San Francisco who has a better grip on wit and sarcasm than Vivvy. Her command of humor casts a shadow so great, that for half the year, San Francisco is cloudy and gloomy. Her humor is often at her own expense, which only someone of great humility is able to succeed at. It is for this reason, I decided to elevate my number for Vivvy to a place of high regard; The Opera. Vivvy also has booked me for Drag Alive so frequently, that I owe my success in the city to her and the platform that she gave and continues to give me to share my love with the world.

The background for this video is actually an image of The Academy of Music, located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. About a decade ago, I began work there as a silent actor in numerous operas. And because Vivvy has a background in performance that lives far beyond “the bar”, I thought it an appropriate location to both honor her and pay homage to my past experiences on the stage.

About a week before I began work on the video, I re-watched the 1948 film classic, The Red Shoes. It is easily one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces ever. In the film, we are reminded of the role of The Maestro, something that I was able to see first hand both in school and in my time working with Opera Philadelphia. It is for this reason, I decided to include this character throughout the entire video.

The song choice may seem obvious, “Gimme More” for Vivvyane ForeverMore. However, allow me to elaborate on this choice. The song, “Gimme More” is one of the greatest pop songs ever. Period. Thank you Danja and Britney Spears for the work you did on this one. And Vivvy is one of my favorite people ever. Period. If one listens closely to the lyrics, it becomes clear, that it discusses one’s relationship with the outside world. When people see you in your natural habitat, being your authentic self, they often become so enamored with you and what you are doing that it “feels like the crowd is saying, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. MORE!” It can initially feel rewarding, the attention. But, with time, the crowd begins to believe it has some ownership over you and it transforms from a request, to a demand. Vivvy, for about a year, was doing what I consider to be a public service, by providing us with Drag Alive; an opportunity for artists to focus on their work in a time when focusing on other things, may not have been so healthy. At the same time, giving the crowd something to talk about. After all, there’s only two types of people in the world; the ones who entertain and the ones who observe. I imagined that Vivvy was beginning to feel the “gimme gimme” of the work she was doing and so, I wanted to express that. At the same time, there was a bit of blatant negativity from one or two places, I was experiencing about my work. They will remain un-named, but the general feeling in response to my work and it being celebrated, was “big deal, who are you? stop taking yourself so seriously.” And at the time I felt, oh, “if they want more, well I’ll give them more,” as a response. For these reasons, I chose the song.

The mix for the song, I also made. It is a combination of 3 versions of the song “Gimme More” and a ceremonial Indian song. The initial idea behind the mix, was a community summoning the spirit of Cleopatra, who they felt deserved a second go at it, if you will. The first minute of the song, is the ceremony; Shamans beating the ground and sacrificing themselves, using this energy as a portal for her to come through and set them niggas straight, which she does.

nicki jizz

@nicki_jizz

I have yet to meet a person who lives as authentically as Nicole Paige Jizz, Ms. Jizz if you nasty (you are). The first time I saw her, I was visiting San Francisco from Mexico City and she stood out…. BY FAR. I needn’t explain, but her energy, the looks, the butt drop! No one does it like she does it. Her personality is bigger than life, but what is even more surprising is the general feeling of Love and the sweetness I feel from her. In a WORLD OF PRETENDERS, in THE AGE OF POSERS, she is THE REAL DEAL. Aside from that, in 2019, she asked me to perform back up for her on the mainstage at Pride. She could have asked anyone, but she asked me. I remember setting the intention to be the greatest shadow for her, that I could be. And in a scene where most queens aim at casting shade, it was a privilege to choose to be the shadow for someone shinning so brightly.

I am blessed to have something in common with Nicki. You see her tagline;

Hoe is not a phase, Hoe is…..

LIFE!

Can be heard echoing wherever she goes and HOE happens to be the acronym for Heaven on Earth. And I will never forget the first time she used her own tagline to shine the spotlight on me, H.O.E., after one of my performances. So I decided to make the ultimate H.O.E. remix for her birthday show, something she and I could share. When I think of Nicki, I think of an honest expression of feminine sexual energy and so I went for Lil Kim. The original Queen B. The original Hoe. The Original. But, it wasn’t enough to do just that. So, I decided to root the song, “How Many Licks?” ft Sisqo (Drag King for days) in its own reference, the Tootsie Pop commercial from 1982, to give it a classic feel, like many rap songs do (a la Drake and Kanye). And because Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott is the only other artist that expresses her sexuality so eloquently, it seemed like an obvious choice to use the instrumental for “Minute Man” to enhance “How Many Licks?”

I could have easily made myself as pretty as possible for the video and been half naked, but I didn’t want to put all the focus on myself. It was more interesting for the video to be centered around both Nicki and the mix. It is for this reason, I decided to wear one of her “Jizz” shirts throughout the entire video. I also covered my own face, but used the classic Heaven wig to do so, so one is always reminded that I am there. The makeup for the scenes that do show my face, were modeled after Kali, a Tantric Hindu Goddess. I thought, “how great would it be to connect rap, with the gods”. It helps the shallow mind think deeper about what Lil Kim is saying and the power of her sexuality. A power I see in Nicki.

“Designer pussy; my shit come in flavors. High Class taste, niggas got to spend paper”

Sounds a little different when you imagine the voice as a goddess, doesn’t it?

There is even more symbolism in the video, but I will spare you the details, or we would be here all day. But, because Nicki is so special, I decided to go into my abstract pocket, to make it feel more like an Art Video, which it is, as opposed to… some video. And it was my honor to dedicate this video to her and to have something that eternally connects us.

Both these videos were made as birthday gifts, which I believe also served as an energetic offering to The Universe to enhance their legacies.

Thank you ladies, for the privilege to do so.

-Heaven on Earth

One Person’s Naomi, is Another Person’s Omi.

One person’s trash is another person’s treasure. You’ve heard it a million times. I just had an experience that reminded me of this. You see, I really enjoy watching No Filter with Naomi, mostly because I enjoy and learn from the love with witch Naomi meets each guest. She seems to know them all so intimately and it touches my soul. I continue to learn how to be a good friend and I will learn from anyone, I have no prejudice.

Seeing examples of friendship from the privacy of my own bed, unseen, allows me to safely reflect on how I am with others and how I would like that to change and I am grateful for the example Naomi provides.

Ms. Naomi Campbell recently shared a compilation video of some of her dearest friends wishing her a happy birthday and it warmed my heart. It is so easy, at times, to think, “me, me, what about me?” that sometimes we forget that we can easily do something lovely for someone else who may be feeling similarly.

Now, I feel I have a much clearer vision for how I would like to interact with the world from this moment on and it came from this video:

And interestingly enough, upon completing this video, I made a decision to be more present for and celebratory of my friends and then it was I who was met with the kindest words from a dear friend of mine. Thank you universe.

Remember if you don’t like something about your life, change.

Embody Love. You too can warm someone’s heart today. Who will it be?

today

Heaven on earth

today i called an uber and when i approached the uber to get inside, the driver locked the door, rolled down the window and asked my name

this was an opportunity not to make assumptions as why this was happening, to not take it personally and to not make up a story about the driver, but to meet him with love.

can i keep this up?

today a woman was selling bags on the street and out of habit, I said, “no thank you” but, I thought about it and realized I was about to get groceries and it would probably really help the woman if I bought something from her. so, i went back and asked her how much. she said 150, i gave her 200 and asked for change, she then said it cost 250. i told her, she can keep the bag, but she continued to hustle me for more. I told her keep the bag and the money but she kept arguing. finally, she realized and said thank you and took the bag back.

this was an opportunity for me to remember that if you keep your mind stuck in a negative reality, you won’t be able to see when someone is actually helping you. it reminded me to have compassion, because you don’t know people’s state of mind. and it reminded me that i don’t have to mirror the behavior of others.

can i always be this present and aware?

today i let my thoughts lead me to a feeling of lonliness

this was an opportunity to remember that the space between the notes in the music are what make the music, otherwise it would just be jumbled sound. And right now, I may be experiencing a space in being surrounded by people that love me, but that is what makes the moments of love so beautiful. i remembered to be grateful for all i have and i am never really alone, because i am always in good company when i am with myself.

can i stay this grateful and focused on what is woking?

today i did my best

more

Pop music means more to me than what one might see on the surface. It is a 3-5 minute expression of feelings that are often judged as superficial or trivial, and yet are feelings and experiences, none the less. The limited melodic format of pop music, combined with its repetition makes it intoxicating. And when the recording artist fully emerges themselves in the moment, it gives life to inner experiences that society would like to judge you for.

The producer, Danja, is a shooting star. He layers pop music in an almost operatic manner. His vocals are layered throughout the song, pulling you up, haunting you, leading you into a mysterious and intriguing place. The untrained ear may not even notice, but their effect is ever present. And the music itself…. talk about layered. I could strip the song and listen to each piece on its own and be mesmerized. Combine that with Britney Spears, who, regardless of the perception that has been given to you (because i doubt you have formed one on your own), gives herself over to the song completely. She is the song. You believe she is the moment. And one thing that makes a Britney pop song a Britney pop song, are the adlibs she adds throughout the entire song. Have you ever noticed that? She is one of the only artists whose background vocals and adlibs sometimes are what give the song its cherished tone. Anyway…. I can go on forever.

When my dear friend, Vivvyanne ForeverMORE asked me to produce a video for her birthday, I was more than happy to and because I respect her so much, I chose to use one of the greatest pop songs of all time; Gimme More. A song that I never bore of, a song that instantly changes my mood, my personality, my person.

In my early twenties, I was a silent actor for Opera Philadelphia and I so cherished being part of these large productions. Singers being flown in from all over the world, performing in the Academy of Music. It was a dream come true. And being there allowed me the opportunity to see what it would be like to have a concert, opera, show, whatever… of that scale.

One of my favorite things to do when working with popular songs is make new mixes to them, so I took Danja’s isolated background vocals, Britney’s isolated vocals, portions of the album version instrumental, and a concert version of the song from one of Britney’s tours and mixed all of that (even adding a completely different song for the intro, a song that had a similar mysterious and ominous tone) and made this operatic mix. I love the chants of “More!” that enhance the song. As she sings, “feels like the crowd is saying…”

And I put myself, Heaven on Earth, on the stage of the Academy of Music. Just before making this, I rewatched the film, The Red Shoes, and it took my back to my opera days. The Maestro leads the opera, they are behind the steering wheel. Silent and ever present. They are… The Maestro. And watching The Red Shoes I was reminded of this and how necessary they are and yet how much the general public, perhaps does not think of or respect them anymore. So, I thought, The Maestro should be a character in this video. What fun.

The song for me, also represents a resurrection of Cleopatra. Don’t ask me why, it’s just what came to me. If she was forced into suicide and the world, still till this day, can’t remove her name from their lips, why wouldn’t the powers that be grant her a return? They want more!

And why not through Britney Spears?

This video was also dedicated to Britney Spears because it was the performance of this song at The VMAs that began a change in perception of her. People were unkind to her, someone who literally dedicated her entire life to entertaining the world. And like spoiled, ungrateful children, people said what they said. Britney deserves more respect. More. More. More Honor. More. More. And so, I decided to get on the stage of The Academy of Music and thank her for her contribution to Pop Music. To Honor her energy. To give her…

more

Heaven on earth
heaven on earth – more

today

today the car I called arrived on the other side of the street

my ego wanted to say, “hey! the address is across the street”

then I remembered, life is not about you. what is happening for this person? at least you have the car.

can i remember not to think of myself as so important in the future?

today a man was playing the trumpet in the park

i wondered about his life and how beautifully he played and all the time it took him to learn

so, i sat there and listened to every note he played, so grateful to be able to hear a piece of his life.

can I remember to always be so grateful and present?

today my friend interrupted me when I was speaking, and seemingly changed the subject

i thought, “this has nothing to do with what I am talking about, but whatever

then i realized that i am not the center of the universe and maybe he needs to speak and i need to hear what he is saying. be grateful you even have a friend in this world.

can i remember to listen as much as i speak and that every person i meet is my teacher?

today i was focusing on a particular part of culture that I like to avoid, that doesn’t resonate with me

i said, “i have to avoid people who think this way, because i don’t want to be like them”

then i remembered that another perspective is that i am grateful to have this awareness and that i would like to instead focusing on that gratitude and how i can contribute to the world and help others, instead of avoid them.

can i remember to get the fuck off my high horse and that, essentailly, I am no one?

today i remembered that i don’t know what my parents went through and that they treated me the way they did because they were hurt and they were doing their best

i thought, “i have no idea the pain they have and i am at least grateful that they provided me with a life that was privileged enough that i could focus on improving my state of mind and connect to my higher self

i remembered that i am standing on the shoulders of people who struggled and i was able to learn from their struggle, and the lessons i learned are their gift to me

can i remember that everyone is doing their best and to meet them with love and gratitude?

today i remembered to be grateful

yesterday

yesterday, I text my mother and said,

“I think if I were more of a conformist, you would celebrate me more”

how do you think she responded?

yesterday, I text my sister and…

she did not respond

how do you think i reacted?

yesterday, a boy text me,

hello” and I reciprocated and then he said nothing more

how do you think i felt about that?

yesterday, a photographer said,

“covid covid, covid, covid” and I said, “I’m not interested in talking about this.”

how do you think he thinks about me now?

yesterday, I had food delivered and,

I tipped over 100%

how do you think they spent the money?

yesterday, a boy asked me to hang out,

I said, “sure”, and then at 6pm, he just asked how my week was.

how do you think that came to be?

yesterday, I matched with someone on tinder and after 10 minutes they said,

would you like me to be your bottom? – I said, I don’t know – he then unmatched me

how do you think he thinks about that?

yesterday,

I did my best

how do you think that helped me?