Zipolite, Volume II: Puedes…

When I first arrived to Zipolite, I spoke to The Universe directly; “When I leave this place, I will be a completely different person. I am ready to learn what I need to learn to move closer to my highest self. I am ready. Challenge me.” It is worth noting that Zipolite, at times, feels like a vortex, one of those places on the planet with an open window to another dimension… or something like that. And it wasn’t long before my expansion would begin.

Nicolas is like no one I have ever met. I firs made his acquaintance, a 30 something from Chile, living in Zipolite. Physically, he resembles a gymnast who models on the side. Energetically, he is a son of God… The Universe… All That Is… WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO CALL IT. His energy is strong, his spiritual evolution is evident, and his desire to play is inspiring.

One day Nicolas said to me, “I will help you with your back.” I had surgery for scoliosis, 19 years ago and while I am in impeccable physical condition, overall, there has been room for improvement in the area of flexibility, in my back. He first invited me to run with him from Zipolite to Mazunte; about a 5 mile run, with both inclines and heat combining to make a rather average distance, into a CHALLENGE. When we arrived in Mazunte, we headed straight for Punta Cometa, running off the road and through the trees, at full speed. Running down the cliff, jumping from rock to rock, until we got to the beach. Washed our bodies off, briefly, in the water, which is curiously silent until the moment the water comes in and what was previously a serene scene transforms for just a few seconds into something potentially violent.

We immediately jumped into a yoga session, which he led and afterwards, he headed in the water for a swim. Before Zipolite, I had not spent a great deal of time at the beach. And swimming was not on the top of my list of “Things to Do.” An experience, being knocked over by a wave at the age of 4, dampened my interest in the water, severely. So, I just watched Nicolas, as he so elegantly floated with the soft waves and violent crashes. Coming out of the water, he asked if I would like to join him. “Oh, I can’t really swim.” I replied. To which, he simply responded, “Puedes.”

Anytime I attempted to explain why I could not do something, Nicolas would respond with, “Puedes” and nothing more. And each time, I learned that I indeed, could. Our regular yoga sessions were right before sunset in Zipolite and I would participate, completely nude. Being naked while taking on challenges of will and dispelling fears can feel like a vulnerable experience, and that’s why I did it and I didn’t care who sat and watched as I stretched myself in ways that scared me. ME. And Nicolas would guide me, breathing through, and stretching further than I ever thought possible.

And something remarkable about my experiences with Nicolas, is that he was just a peer. Another guy, same age, similar interests, who said, “I am your friend, I am going to help you.” He didn’t judge me in moments of vulnerability, he was actual rather indifferent. It was as though, he knew what I had forgotten and would patiently wait for me to remember, “Puedes.”

This was also the most fraternal experience I had had since college. Somehow, it had been years since I had been around another guy who was confident, nurturing, into physical closeness, and not consumed with sex. I felt I could exhale around him and not worry that he was after something else. I remember standing in front of a mirror at his house and he was explaining an area of my body he thought was really developed, and because my Spanish is not 100% and he does not speak English at all, he came over, stood behind me (looking in the mirror) and pulled down my pants to point it out to me. And I melted. Just at finally having a friendship with this level of closeness, trust, and growing with another guy.

When we first met, I told Nicolas, “You have something that I would like to see in myself and I would like to be around you, so I can learn how.” And so I did. And to this day, whenever I have a doubt in my mind about my ability to do something, I hear his voice in my head, saying, “Puedes.”

listen to my new ep, “Veritas,” on spotify

Use Your Head

I recently made a video for the song, “Use Your Head”. I thought about how most music videos are wide screen and yet most people’s phone’s are in portrait…. so…. I made the video in Portrait, just for fun. When i recorded the song, this is pretty much how I imagined the song in my mind. I am also interested in varying degrees of nudity in videos, because most videos are commercial and so follow those rules. However, I am independent, so…..

One must be 18 to watch the video. I made that decision. Watch the video and comment with your thoughts.

Listen to my music on Spotify

I Stan: Nicki & Vivvy

The time has arrived for me to express my gratitude for two individuals who make my relationship with San Francisco sweeter, day by day:

Nicki Jizz

and

Vivvyanne ForeverMore

Not one individual has showered me with more love, booked me for more gigs, and publicly expressed their admiration for my work, than these two lovely ladies. And it is no doubt, because they love and respect themselves, they are able to do the same for others. Neither gains anything from showing me so much love, and yet my life is enhanced each moment I am near them, and for this, I am forever grateful.

I have only ever dedicated videos to these lovely ladies and I would like to take a moment to expound on the choices I so specifically made to honor them.

Vivvyanne forevermore

@vivvyanne_forevermore

There is no soul in San Francisco who has a better grip on wit and sarcasm than Vivvy. Her command of humor casts a shadow so great, that for half the year, San Francisco is cloudy and gloomy. Her humor is often at her own expense, which only someone of great humility is able to succeed at. It is for this reason, I decided to elevate my number for Vivvy to a place of high regard; The Opera. Vivvy also has booked me for Drag Alive so frequently, that I owe my success in the city to her and the platform that she gave and continues to give me to share my love with the world.

The background for this video is actually an image of The Academy of Music, located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. About a decade ago, I began work there as a silent actor in numerous operas. And because Vivvy has a background in performance that lives far beyond “the bar”, I thought it an appropriate location to both honor her and pay homage to my past experiences on the stage.

About a week before I began work on the video, I re-watched the 1948 film classic, The Red Shoes. It is easily one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces ever. In the film, we are reminded of the role of The Maestro, something that I was able to see first hand both in school and in my time working with Opera Philadelphia. It is for this reason, I decided to include this character throughout the entire video.

The song choice may seem obvious, “Gimme More” for Vivvyane ForeverMore. However, allow me to elaborate on this choice. The song, “Gimme More” is one of the greatest pop songs ever. Period. Thank you Danja and Britney Spears for the work you did on this one. And Vivvy is one of my favorite people ever. Period. If one listens closely to the lyrics, it becomes clear, that it discusses one’s relationship with the outside world. When people see you in your natural habitat, being your authentic self, they often become so enamored with you and what you are doing that it “feels like the crowd is saying, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. MORE!” It can initially feel rewarding, the attention. But, with time, the crowd begins to believe it has some ownership over you and it transforms from a request, to a demand. Vivvy, for about a year, was doing what I consider to be a public service, by providing us with Drag Alive; an opportunity for artists to focus on their work in a time when focusing on other things, may not have been so healthy. At the same time, giving the crowd something to talk about. After all, there’s only two types of people in the world; the ones who entertain and the ones who observe. I imagined that Vivvy was beginning to feel the “gimme gimme” of the work she was doing and so, I wanted to express that. At the same time, there was a bit of blatant negativity from one or two places, I was experiencing about my work. They will remain un-named, but the general feeling in response to my work and it being celebrated, was “big deal, who are you? stop taking yourself so seriously.” And at the time I felt, oh, “if they want more, well I’ll give them more,” as a response. For these reasons, I chose the song.

The mix for the song, I also made. It is a combination of 3 versions of the song “Gimme More” and a ceremonial Indian song. The initial idea behind the mix, was a community summoning the spirit of Cleopatra, who they felt deserved a second go at it, if you will. The first minute of the song, is the ceremony; Shamans beating the ground and sacrificing themselves, using this energy as a portal for her to come through and set them niggas straight, which she does.

nicki jizz

@nicki_jizz

I have yet to meet a person who lives as authentically as Nicole Paige Jizz, Ms. Jizz if you nasty (you are). The first time I saw her, I was visiting San Francisco from Mexico City and she stood out…. BY FAR. I needn’t explain, but her energy, the looks, the butt drop! No one does it like she does it. Her personality is bigger than life, but what is even more surprising is the general feeling of Love and the sweetness I feel from her. In a WORLD OF PRETENDERS, in THE AGE OF POSERS, she is THE REAL DEAL. Aside from that, in 2019, she asked me to perform back up for her on the mainstage at Pride. She could have asked anyone, but she asked me. I remember setting the intention to be the greatest shadow for her, that I could be. And in a scene where most queens aim at casting shade, it was a privilege to choose to be the shadow for someone shinning so brightly.

I am blessed to have something in common with Nicki. You see her tagline;

Hoe is not a phase, Hoe is…..

LIFE!

Can be heard echoing wherever she goes and HOE happens to be the acronym for Heaven on Earth. And I will never forget the first time she used her own tagline to shine the spotlight on me, H.O.E., after one of my performances. So I decided to make the ultimate H.O.E. remix for her birthday show, something she and I could share. When I think of Nicki, I think of an honest expression of feminine sexual energy and so I went for Lil Kim. The original Queen B. The original Hoe. The Original. But, it wasn’t enough to do just that. So, I decided to root the song, “How Many Licks?” ft Sisqo (Drag King for days) in its own reference, the Tootsie Pop commercial from 1982, to give it a classic feel, like many rap songs do (a la Drake and Kanye). And because Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott is the only other artist that expresses her sexuality so eloquently, it seemed like an obvious choice to use the instrumental for “Minute Man” to enhance “How Many Licks?”

I could have easily made myself as pretty as possible for the video and been half naked, but I didn’t want to put all the focus on myself. It was more interesting for the video to be centered around both Nicki and the mix. It is for this reason, I decided to wear one of her “Jizz” shirts throughout the entire video. I also covered my own face, but used the classic Heaven wig to do so, so one is always reminded that I am there. The makeup for the scenes that do show my face, were modeled after Kali, a Tantric Hindu Goddess. I thought, “how great would it be to connect rap, with the gods”. It helps the shallow mind think deeper about what Lil Kim is saying and the power of her sexuality. A power I see in Nicki.

“Designer pussy; my shit come in flavors. High Class taste, niggas got to spend paper”

Sounds a little different when you imagine the voice as a goddess, doesn’t it?

There is even more symbolism in the video, but I will spare you the details, or we would be here all day. But, because Nicki is so special, I decided to go into my abstract pocket, to make it feel more like an Art Video, which it is, as opposed to… some video. And it was my honor to dedicate this video to her and to have something that eternally connects us.

Both these videos were made as birthday gifts, which I believe also served as an energetic offering to The Universe to enhance their legacies.

Thank you ladies, for the privilege to do so.

-Heaven on Earth

today

today the car I called arrived on the other side of the street

my ego wanted to say, “hey! the address is across the street”

then I remembered, life is not about you. what is happening for this person? at least you have the car.

can i remember not to think of myself as so important in the future?

today a man was playing the trumpet in the park

i wondered about his life and how beautifully he played and all the time it took him to learn

so, i sat there and listened to every note he played, so grateful to be able to hear a piece of his life.

can I remember to always be so grateful and present?

today my friend interrupted me when I was speaking, and seemingly changed the subject

i thought, “this has nothing to do with what I am talking about, but whatever

then i realized that i am not the center of the universe and maybe he needs to speak and i need to hear what he is saying. be grateful you even have a friend in this world.

can i remember to listen as much as i speak and that every person i meet is my teacher?

today i was focusing on a particular part of culture that I like to avoid, that doesn’t resonate with me

i said, “i have to avoid people who think this way, because i don’t want to be like them”

then i remembered that another perspective is that i am grateful to have this awareness and that i would like to instead focusing on that gratitude and how i can contribute to the world and help others, instead of avoid them.

can i remember to get the fuck off my high horse and that, essentailly, I am no one?

today i remembered that i don’t know what my parents went through and that they treated me the way they did because they were hurt and they were doing their best

i thought, “i have no idea the pain they have and i am at least grateful that they provided me with a life that was privileged enough that i could focus on improving my state of mind and connect to my higher self

i remembered that i am standing on the shoulders of people who struggled and i was able to learn from their struggle, and the lessons i learned are their gift to me

can i remember that everyone is doing their best and to meet them with love and gratitude?

today i remembered to be grateful

THOUGHT HE HAD YOU (FUCKED UP)

THOUGHT HE HAD YOU FUCKED UP HEAVEN ON EARTH
THOUGHT HE HAD YOU FUCKED UP HEAVEN ON EARTH

WATCH THE PREMIERE ON YOUTUBE: WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2020

CLICK TO SUBSCRIBE AND SET A REMINDER FOR THE PREMIER.

Heaven on Earth is a creative project by actor and performer, S. Cummings.When Quarantine began, it became clear that the choices and frame of mind chosen in these months, would influence a great deal of the future. It is for this reason that S. chose to do all the things he had previously wanted to do, including producing and recording music and filming music videos… all on his own.”THOUGHT HE HAD YOU (FUCKED UP)”  reminds us in moments where we feel that someone or some situation is our enemy, that we are the true gatekeepers of our perceptions and reactions, and that it is our responsibility and our responsibility alone to manage them. What power we hold!

CAPTURES FROM THE VIDEO

THOGHT HE HAD YOU FUCKED UP HEAVEN ON EARTH

For Free?

With this video, I wanted to try something different. I am beginning to see a style emerge in the videos I produce and before I get to comfortable, I am interested in shaking it up a bit and adding to it.

The concept started as a class on public speaking in a magic school. And the initial idea was, what does that look like? When you can use magic to elaborate and help tell a story or get a point across, what do you do? Given the time I had to complete the project, I adjusted the idea to “How to Be a Fuck Person 101”; a class on expressing your fuck person nature.

I realized that for years, I ventured away from using rap music, for fear of losing an audience. And then I realized I was limiting people in my mind by doing that, so instead, I did what I wanted. A call and answer. The gentleman gives his presentation and is interrupted by classmates who have bigger questions, such as, “Nigga, do yo tongue get wet or nah?”

This project reminds me not to judge people on the way they express themselves and not to assume that people aren’t open minded, but to instead, give them space to be what they choose.

And love them regardless of that choice.

I Love You.

I don’t own rights to the music. I produced and performed in the video. DJ Khaled, Drake: For Free Jucee Froot, Raedio: Eat Itself (From Insecure) Theriseofheavenonearth.com

Solita

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How can it be that I have devoted myself to Meditation, Mindfulness, and Love and still I am overcome with this feeling of loneliness, despair, and suffering?

This is the thought I found myself juggling with five days ago as I sat on the nightstand in my room crying, unsure of how I would move forward from an unexpected setback.
How must I adjust my perception, my way of thinking, my reactions to the happenings of this world, in order to not only survive, but to Thrive in this life?
Little did I know, The Universe had already begun fixing its mouth to whisper a response into my anxious ear. You see, the next day, February 29, 2020, I would go on a trip that would change me in ways I could not possibly imagine. An Ayahuasca Trip.
I had been meditating in Chapultepec when, out of desperation, I asked the trees, “Please, help me. Show me who I must be in order to move forward in Peace, Love, and Gratitude.” In that exact moment, I received a message from a Shaman, who I had considered soliciting the help of, in the form of their meditation services, just the week before.
“How Serendipitous,” I thought. Going out on limb, I asked the Shaman what other services he offers, to which he responded, “I lead Ayahuasca ceremonies, the next one being this Saturday, February 29.”
How curious! I had recently been invited to such a ceremony that would take place on that day by some people I randomly met one month ago, but it had been canceled.And now, as I sit amongst the trees, calling out for help, another opportunity arises for the same day?! I took this as a sign and accepted.
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It was the sight of the trees swiftly passing by that calmed me, as I sat during the two hour bus ride from Mexico City to Tepoztlán. “If you get hungry, keep drinking water,” the Shaman encouraged during our voyage. Leading up to the ceremony a specific diet and abstinence from herbal and sexual activities is required in order for the Ayahuasca to have its desired effect. Not sure of what to expect, I finished my bottle of water as we approached a giant gate, the only entrance to a body of land that lay hidden behind what seemed to be an even larger, enclosing wall. The Shaman knocked and the door opened to what very well could have been the most beautiful garden I had ever seen, littered with peers of equal beauty. They were all there for their first experience with the ever sought after, Ayahuasca.
We laid out our sleeping bags and blankets in rows throughout the garden in preparation for the ceremony, which would last the entire duration of the night, entirely outside. Laying the groundwork, the Shamans thoroughly explained their Knowledge of, Relationship to, and Experience with The Ayahuasca. “If a Jaguar, Snake or other animal appears to you, remember, it is not real, do not be frightened, instead, open yourself up and say ‘I love you,” was the suggestion of one of the Shamans to the group. I had previously read that such hallucinations were common in these experiences, but it was made clear that nothing can be promised, exactly. For the Ayahuasca helps illuminate on the subject of your previously set intention, but everyone’s experience differs based on their resistance, state of mind, and even still, unknown factors. Ayahuasca has been known to help people with depression, addiction, and even to move further along in the path to enlightenment. We all had fears, past traumas, and self doubt we hoped to work through that night. But what exactly was to come, we did not know.
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Every hour for six hours, the Shamans offered us a serving of The Ayahuasca. Following this, they sang to us with the accompaniment of various instruments as we laid on our backs, staring at the stars, waiting for The Ayahuasca to take hold. “Pay attention to what you see, what you hear, what you feel.” I followed these instructions for the first two hours and two corresponding servings, but I hadn’t felt anything yet.
“If this doesn’t work, it’s okay, I Love you and we will find a way, I promise.” I said to myself as hour two neared completion. It was in that moment that I looked to my right and noticed the woman next to me, now sitting up, crying.
Oh.
What is she going through?
Beyond her, was a man grunting, and shifting from seated to standing, to kneeling,to leaning every 3 seconds or so. “What is going on?” I thought. I don’t feel anything yet.
It was now hour three. The Shamans Approached me.
How are you feeling?
Good.
Do you feel the effects of The Ayahuasca?
No.
Would you like another serving?
Yes.
Five minutes had not passed when suddenly it seemed as though the grass was moving beneath me and my blanket, sweeping by like water along the edge of shore.
What?
I started to feel uneasy. I sat up.
What?
I kept repeating this, but I didn’t know why.
What?
Comfort was escaping me and I began to move between positions trying to catch up with it, but it evaded me still. I looked over at the gentlemen beyond the woman next to me and I now understood, perhaps, what he was going through.
How do you feel?
Uncomfortable
Everything is Peace and Love and so if you feel uncomfortable, you must ask yourself why…
That’s right! In the midst of sensing this discomfort I forgot that I was here for a purpose. And so I began asking The Ayahuasca how I could change, what I must do. Please, help me. I closed my eyes and I saw another set of eyes looking back at me, in what I can only describe as an abstract, two dimensional, pop up book jungle, with black and white stripes everywhere. While I did not expect to see this, it was not frightening, it was oddly familiar. The discomfort increased. I continued to shift, at one point, I put all my weight entirely on my head. I looked up and saw the silhouette of something in the darkness. “Is that a human?” I heard the question leave my mouth, but I wasn’t entirely sure who asked it. But, if it wasn’t me, who was it?
Who am I?
More questions leaving my mouth, the source of which, I was still unsure. I found myself stumbling to my feet, I don’t remember even getting up. A shaman approached me.
How are you feeling?
I’m…..
Yes?
I don’t think I’m a person.
It was in that moment, the Shaman put his hand on my chest. I looked at his face and it looked, physically the same, and yet it was not. He was not human, he was an Angel or an other worldly being, it was obvious, but there was no clear evidence to explain this. And his touch was impact-full, and instant understanding of Love and Care, in the way that, without saying anything, a mother can give a simple glance to her offspring and they understand. Exactly. What. She. Means.
I am the Universe and I love you exactly the way you are.
My body instantly became calm, I entered a state of shock, in that, I had never considered that it was possible for anyone to Love me completely, exactly the way I am, let alone THE UNIVERSE. So many questions arose. How did I feel about myself? How could it be possible that I didn’t believe I deserved to be loved fully? Why did I imagine that Love came with conditions. I couldn’t respond. One note left the Shaman’s instrument and it sent waves through my body.
I can see the color of that sound.
Another note. And another. And another.
The discomfort returned. I looked up to the sky and as I did, I realized there was howling. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty dogs were not barking, but howling in the distance. Why? It was completely silent aside from the music and singing of the Shamans and that had been going on for hours, so why now? The discomfort returned.
Who am I?
This question again. Who is asking this question?! The dogs continued to howl and for the first time during this ceremony, I stood up straight. Completely. The discomfort still there, but not nearly as bothersome, because something else was at the forefront. I felt the way I was standing. It was not how I stand. It was different. I began looking over my shoulder. I looked at everything, only over my shoulder. Why was I doing this? It was like I was a completely different person. I could feel the way I was carrying my face. It was sinister. I could feel it. Why was I doing this? The dogs howled. I listened.
They know.
Why was I saying this? The dogs know what? What do they know?!
They know!
And suddenly… I knew… I wasn’t me… I was Satan.
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It was clear. It was shocking. I. Am. Satan. How could I be Satan? Me? What? No. But, I felt it. And I looked around at all the people in varying degrees of self discovery, at the ceremony and I became fearful. For them. They don’t know that I am Satan. I don’t want to hurt them. What am I going to do? The howling increased. The Shamans drums reached a climax and suddenly, a familiar, yet very distant sensation appeared. I knew I had experienced it before, but it took me at least a minute to remember what the feeling signified. I touched my face. My nose was running. Both nostrils. Oh yeah, I knew that. It had been running for almost an hour now. I had forgotten. But, what was this feeling?
You see, my entire conscious life, there is one natural occurrence I had been afraid of and somehow managed to avoid. I don’t know how. I don’t now why. But, I always felt successful, in that, I routinely escaped this experience. In my entire life, I can count on both hands, the amount of times I remember it happening. It was for this reason, I couldn’t quite remember what the feeling was telling me. I looked down at the ground. I saw a plastic bag. I remember they had been handed out to everyone at the beginning of the ceremony. But, why? Oh, it was in case… you felt…. you needed…. to throw up! Yes, that is what this feeling is communicating. I’m about to….
Aggggghhhhhhhh!
I just barely managed to fit my ENTIRE head into the bag as this black substance come shooting… No. Flying. from my mouth. It was uncontrollable. And as I felt the pain, I remembered why I had always abhorred this feeling. My abdomen, completely concave. I didn’t think it was possible to go that far inward. It continued and continued. And all I could think is, “how long will this last”. All my life, this was the experience I may have dreaded more than anything. It always induced so much fear. But, I knew it was necessary. And that it was temporary and so I stopped fighting it. And that is when it ended.
I sat in the grass. And stared at the bag. One of the Shamans immediately came over.
Don’t worry about this.
They disappeared. And I sat there, grateful for the Peace. Ah, Peace. But, the Peace I was experiencing was not just due to the cessation of my hurling. I was at Peace. Everything was at Peace. The dogs were no longer barking. Everyone around me was still. It was as though I vomited out all the past trauma and fear. And perhaps what my mind represented as the “evil” inside me.

It was gone!

I’m free!

I looked to my left and saw the silhouette again.

I love him.
Why did I say that? Well, because I do. I looked around. I loved everyone. I was in Love. With Everything. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this at ease. What a Blessing!
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The night continued to illuminate more and more details of existence to me. And, as this took place in Mexico and all conversations were happening in Spanish, I was often thinking in Spanish. As I laid on the grass, I was attempting to form a sentence in my head that began with, “I used to,” but what was that word… Solita. No, that means alone. What is that word? Solita. No. That is not the word. Solita.
The ceremony concluded at around 8am. We had a closing circle, where everyone shared their experiences. The full details of which are perhaps to Divine for this publication.
Solita.
Solita.
Solita.
That is not the word. When I get home, I will finally look up this word.

Solia…”I used to” THAT was the word!

As I traveled home, I remembered, there is a song called “Solita” by Kali Uchis. So, I played it and danced as I listened.

“Solita, Solita
Bailando aqui sola, como a mi me gusta
Solita, Solita
Es mejor que con el diablo”
In English
“Alone, alone
Dancing here alone, as I like it
Alone, Alone
Dancing here alone
It’s better than with the devil”
What?
Who am I?
Solita